On Top of It . . . yes, what a nice idea. I used to think that someday I would exprience what this phrase means. But upon further reflection, I realized that this hope would never come to pass. For various reasons, the main one being: The whole notion of being "On Top of It" or having complete control and understanding of everything in ones life is a FALLACY. Yep, it can't be done folks! I don't believe in it, and neither should you! Well, that makes my life easier. I am now free to be as dismally ineffective as ever. The laundry is piled to the ceiling? Eh! No matter, I'll never be "On Top if It" anyway! Dishes have been in the sink for 3 days? Pshaw! I'll wait until we have none left to use, there will just be more to do after every meal anyhow! Okay, okay, okay, this isn't going in quite the direction I was planning. . . On a more serious note, becoming aware that having complete control and understanding is an unrealistic goal, one should hopefully feel more free and less pressure. But not so much that one doesn't want to still strive to improve and do better. My main goal with this is to not feel so frustrated, inadequate or whatever when I find that I still can't seem to get a good handle on all the changes that happen in life. When we have to finagle and stretch ourselves into a new routine and make it work or when my house is just a WRECK (which is the state it is in this very minute)! So, while I can't ever realisically hope to be on top of it all, I can be on top of moments here and there. I can understand that when I need to check out at the grocery store, Barrett will need to be held, Kenny will need to be watched out of the corner of my eye and Lexi will need a question answered. I can be on top of that. I can be on top of cooking a quick meal with 3 kids needing attention seemingly all at the same time. I can be on top of when I need a break or when I need to lock myself in my room for ten seconds so I finish up a short conversation on the phone.
And most important of all? I can be on top of loving the 4 most important people in my life: My husband, my daughter, my son and my baby.
And when I am on top of that, everything else doesn't matter. Not really.
*But that doesn't mean there isn't room for improvement! :)*